First of all, apologies to all for my absence. I started a new job and I'm really busy.
But back to the matter in hand. I went to have my hair cut yesterday and do you know what she said to me? "How self conscious are you of your receding hairline?"
"Not at all," I replied smiling, thinking "I don't have one you ugly bitch".
Needless to say I have spent the morning researching hair surgery on google, and I've just found a very informtive article entitled "cosmetic hair loss remedies". Whoever translated it, and from what language, I have no idea. You'll see what I mean. PS By way of proof that I'm not making this up,
here's the link.
It opens with the comforting reassurance that,
"To depress the visual result of you thinning hair, you can evermore look to to front". Phew. Help is presumably at hand. But then it gets weird.
"On the assumption that your hair is thinning at the garland of the nut, retain accumulate the endorse pithy".OK. My hair is not thinning at the garland of the nut. So I read on.
"On the assumption that you are thinning in the frontage, the hairline is creeping espouse at the temple. To prune this condition petition your barber to shipshape the premature scrap laconic, while letting the hair at your temples heighten longer".You'll be glad to hear that, upon petition, my barber did shipshape the scraps I have left. So what next?
"On the assumption that you retain accept darksome hair, lighten the color a bit. This feint volition declaration decrease the distinction between the residual hair and the scalp, thereby making the crust barely observable".An easier way around this I've found is to simply pick the crust off. But next I get severeley reprimanded for my choice of hair product:
"When it comes to grooming products, hover far from gels, which can ground sections of hair to stick hand in hand and develop gorges of hollow room that give away the scalp. Glowing sprays minister to a better principle."OK Elnett it is. But stay away from wigs:
"Toupees look to be to be out of favor with Rug rat Boomers. Hairpieces acquire gotten a pathetic reputation because so multifarious men have on poor ones that cause them contemplate like that which provided a weasel died on height of their nut. It’s very difficult to mark a beneficial toupee, but the frightful ones earn noticed."Donald Trump beware. All is not lost however...
"The American Hair Misfortune Conference advises that exclusive citizens with mass of hardy hair should examine hair weaving."It's a fair comment there by the AHMC, but assuming you don't want to go down the Beyonce weave route, surgery seems like the only option. It just sounds a little violent:
"The most common ilk of Macrografts is cylindrical pigtail. Using a gismo or gizmo like an orifice puncher."I think I have one of those. Reading on I start to become more interested in this line of enquiry, despite the obvious pain involved, until I am warned that:
"Scalp reduction is recommended for men with exposed spots smaller than 3 inches in diameter. This modus operandi is not befitting for patients with petty or sparse philanthropist limits."Regular readers will be aware that my philanthropist limits are extremely sparse. So I'm then intrigued by the procedure entitled, simply, "Flaps".
"Flaps.A gigantic horseshoe-shape morsel of scalp is piecemeal separate from the philanthropist limits region. The free point is positioned concluded the naked mark where a interrelated stretch area of hairless scalp has been removed. Further petite grafts are needed to devise a regular examine. Rule outlay: $2,7000 to 8,000 per swish, depending on the vastness."Fuck that. Pass me a hat.
RickB
